I want to evolve

“The only thing that stays the same is change.”
Melissa Etheridge

I have been on a very adventurous journey of self evolution in the last year. As many of you may have noticed, when I left WW in February I was not at my goal weight. I have wanted to see many of you, but I have been fearful as I am not yet back to goal. I am in fact nearly 20 pounds above my goal. I have been working through all the negative feelings that come with the prior statement. For those of you that I loved and loved me, you would love me no matter what, as I would you. I know a number is simply that and it is us that interjects a good or bad connotation on that number. The one good thing I can say, my weight has been nearly stable for months, not going up past a certain number.

I have wondered, is my body happy here? Is this the weight I can maintain the rest of my life? Is this the number that I can have fun with from time to time and yet still feel good about myself? I even wondered if my thyroid was out of whack.

What I have discovered, I have not been working program to the best of my ability or at all at times. My 4 year LT anniversary is fast approaching and I said last year I wanted to be back at goal on October 7th. I didn’t make it. I may not be there this year, but I intend to be further towards that # than away. I am very strongly considering a different goal weight than the one I picked in 2004. Hindsight sure is 20/20, isn’t it? Is that number too low? It is on the high end of the weight chart, but do I need to lose and maintain 80-85 pounds. What I discovered about my mind at that #, I had no clue how to feel in that body and thus I did some self-sabotage. I now know what it feels like at that number and what it will create in my life, like people flirting with me. I am growing to like people flirting with me, as it is new and can be fun. Of course, I don’t want anyone scary doing it! ; )

And you know what, even 20 pounds above goal, I am actually pretty darn happy with who I am and am getting noticed. All good things!

So, if I am pretty darn happy with me, why do I want to get back to goal? Simply because I can be healthier than I am. I am capable of more and have proven that plenty in my WW journey and in my personal growth this past year. Therapy and fostering dogs have been eye-opening experiences for me. I have grown so much thanks to my wonderful therapist and the work we are capable of together. I also am learning that, “The person who remembers they can always reach out and help others, never runs out of things to do, always has friends, and rarely needs advice.” This was a note from the Universe a few weeks ago. www.tut.com I want to be the best Meg I can be. That means eating healthier and being in the best shape I can be. That means meetings and working out. That means continued mental evolution. That means resisting the huge bowls of ice cream on my annual Labor Day trip to Michigan. I can do it, I know I can!

I can not get any benefits if I do not work for them. I can’t expect results that are pleasing if I do not lay the groundwork. I only get what I put into this and I am tired of what I have been getting lately. So, it is time for a change!

Wow, this has been scary to type, but I feel glad having it off my chest. Please feel free to post any comments of things you need or want to get off your chest! You will be glad you did!